Although there’s not yet a way to get them delivered directly to your stomach via Amazon Whispernet, you can buy a staggering amount of grocery and gourmet food items from online retailer Amazon.com, ranging from steaks and foie gras to 5 pounds of gummy bears and a “Big Grab” Frito Lay chip sampler. And you thought they were known for books, music and electronics.
As is the case for any product sold by Amazon, customers leave reviews which rate the item and describe their experience. It makes sense to critique a book’s content, a music album’s sound or the features and functionality of new electronic gadgets. But would you say about something like a gallon of milk? The Tickle City Award Committee investigated and found the answer: hilarious stuff!
It appears that several years ago Amazon users decided to band together to craft incredibly silly reviews for certain food items. A gallon of Tuscan brand whole milk became the primary target, and the product has attracted over 1,200 of them. Here are a couple highlights:
I was in Tuscany recently, and despite my sincerest efforts was unable to sight any Tuscan Wholes. Given the rarity of this creature, I find it hard to believe that anyone one has managed to domesticate them, let alone convince them to give milk
Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
I thought I’d save a little money on this product so I clicked on the ‘Order it used’ button. Boy, was that a mistake! When new, this product is just fine. When used, it’s almost undrinkable. So, if you’re in the market for Whole Milk, heed my advice, buy new.
This phenomenon even made the NY Times, and the jokes then continued for several more years. Long after the initial push, some of the reviews added a literary angle. Consider this effort from “Edgar”:
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts ‘N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
‘Bad condensor, that,’ I muttered, ‘vibrating the icebox door –
Only this, and nothing more.’
The review continues and is actually a full length poem. There are also many more carefully crafted pieces of prose, which you can read by visiting the product reviews page.
Silly Amazon reviews, you are tickle city!