Ethan Albright Makes Madden Headlines

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Offensive linemen in the NFL rarely make much of an impact in the pop culture world, especially in today’s climate where certain quarterbacks, receivers and cornerbacks/return specialists seem to never fail to create ridiculous storylines.

Ethan Albright, a center and long snapper for the Washington Redskins, however, has generated some buzz. And it’s for a very strange reason, as he didn’t shoot or stab anyone and has not even been proven to carry a handgun at all.

Nick Sparr of Beaverton, Oregon alerted the Tickle City Award Committee to the “enduring ticklishness” of Albright and nominated him for a mention. As Sparr explains, Albright is ranked dead last in the player ratings of the popular “Madden” video game with a dismal 53. The game gives a detailed measure of every possible player attribute, regardless of his position. Albright comes out as the worst player, despite being a capable long snapper and center. And he’s not just going to sit down and take it.

According to an ESPN article, Meeting Madden’s Mr. Irrelevant, Albright doesn’t seem to mind.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to say about the Madden ratings,” Albright says with a laugh. “Some guys are into it. I’m not. Doesn’t register with me at all. Rate me whatever, I don’t care.”

However, in an email written by Juan Turlington of the website The Phat Phree, addressed to Madden himself, Albright’s possible true feelings begin to come out.

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a f****** zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my f****** face.

Ethan Albright, Looking Pretty Ticklish!

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